I'm sitting here, it's October 2nd and I am at a Starbucks. Part of me is wondering, "Why am I here and not in bed?!!!" Oh, yes. The answer comes quickly...I want to blog uninterrupted. I wanted to write about all the thoughts and ideas swirling in my head. Titles are in constant motion in my mind...Meet the New Dude, Winter Prep, Who Me A Sheep?, The Weed Free Garden...No Kidding!, and so on. And now that I am supposedly where I am uninterrupted, I don't want to write about anything but one thing. (And if you were wondering, it is actually very distracting here. Music is too loud, cars are honking, and I'm still wondering why I'm here and not writing while sitting on my nice cozy couch with a cup of tea, instead of having to spend $4 on a cup of coffee?) Anyway, back to what I was sayin'. I have been thinking for a while about the purpose of life. What's the point? Why does it matter how we live while here on earth? Yeah, I know the age old question, but it's a good one. Especially if your a believer in Christ. I hope you are. If your not, please, let's talk. And pray.
I have been plagued with the thoughts of how many children I'm going to have. This may sound trivial or silly, but I am an over thinker. I think about everything. And then I think some more. And some more. And some more. Ok, I think you get the gist. I have this obsessive tendency to want to know when I'm 'done' having kids. Now, I still think I'd like 4 kids so I'm not out of the woods yet, but why am I so concerned about this? Is it because I am constantly asked how many kids I want and when people realize that I might actually have more than 3 kids I am looked at like I am a freak? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not.
The other day I was talking to someone and she made a comment on how I was a baby having machine and wanted to know if I was done having kids. I held my tongue. Well, I did respond, but I didn't say what was in my heart to say...I said the proper thing that was in my mind. Swell. Isn't it interesting that because I have one more child than the average two, I am considered to be a baby machine? Don't get me started. And good grief, when I say I think I'd still like to have at least one more people have to all but use their hand to close their gaping mouth. Hope there aren't any flies about. Enough with my ranting on to the point of this post.
What is the point of this life? And no, my answer is not to have as many children as my body can birth. The point of this life is to glorify God. And how do I do this? By doing what His word commands and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Still want to know how all this ties together. Well, here it goes!
I want to glorify God with my life. I want to serve Him the way He wants me to. Christ is the most important part of my life. He gave me life, so my life is His to do with as He pleases. He saw fit to make me a wife. I am a wife to a wonderful godly man and I am eternally thankful for it. My Lord also saw fit to make me a mother. A mother to three amazing children. I love being a mother. It is hard work and there are times when I want to shrink into a small hole, but that's my selfishness kicking in. Oh, wait...there is more to this. My reason for wanting to know when I'm 'done' having kids has a lot to do with selfishness. I want to know when I can stay the same size for longer than 6 months, when I can consistently sleep through the night, when I don't have to change diapers anymore, and the list is endless. I am incredibly selfish, I know. That's why I'm not listing all of my 'when's'. Sad.
The Lord is good. Very. Very. Good. And He is working on my heart. My prayers are changing. I am seeing that there is freedom in NOT knowing the whens and whys of my life. Instead of praying that I will only have 4 children, I am praying that the Lord will let me thoroughly enjoy the three that I have now and welcome with open arms however many more He wants us to have(or adopt ;). I don't need to worry about tomorrow. I don't know what the Lord has in store for my family. And I am slowly beginning to be OK with that. I need to spend my time in training the three precious souls that have been placed in my care to know and love the Lord. I need to view children, my children, like God does...as blessings. Who cares what the world thinks? Children aren't blessings to them. They are hindrances. It's no surprise that the world holds this view with how frequently abortions are performed. This crushes me. If I could plead on my knees before every woman who considers this, I would. Honest.
So I will end this post with a challenge to myself...and you if you'd like. Let's not think the way the world does. Let's not worry about tomorrow and just enjoy today. Let's embrace with open arms whatever the Lord has in store. Whether good or bad. More children or not. Let's follow the Holy Spirit's leading and not our selfish desires. Let's be lights in this world and not conform to anything less than what is holy.
I will with the Lord's help focus on the eternal. My body isn't eternal, but my soul is. My children, these little souls in my care, are eternal. That is what matters, not how many children I have, but that the souls that are placed in my family are properly cared for, trained, nurtured, and taught to love God. This, this my friend...is what truly matters. Eternity with God and a life well spent in serving the eternal God. Amen.
P.S.(This is only a part of what I think about when I think about the purpose of life. Motherhood is a huge part of it, but there is so, so much more. Thinking about it all it makes my head hurt and my heart sore. Good thing I serve the Great Physician and the Healer of the broken.)